Oh my god!
by Kim The Manipaltive Little Mo
Summary: What I think Hannibal and Clarice would think of the horrors of the movie


WARNING THIS STORY CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR BOTH THE HANNIBAL NOVEL AND BOOK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW STOP READING RIGHT NOW!

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OK being as we got that over with, Heyhow'sitgoing? This is what my own little Skewed mind thinks of what Hannibal and Clarice would do and say if they had seen Hannibal. I don't own them because trust me if I did that movie wouldn't have sucked so damn bad! Anyway please leave me a nice little liver ... um that is comment in the little box!

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Oh My God!

  
  


They sat there in the silence staring at the darkened screen before them. They spoke no words for there was nothing for them to say. But the silence had to be broken after all and the woman grabbed hold of the man's arm, leaning heavily onto his shoulder almost like an invalid. His normally pale cheeks were flushed pink and his head was cast in a decidedly downcast direction. At that point they both only had one thought. To get there asses into the car and home so they could bare this humiliation in peace.

  
  


They said nothing on the long ride to their house. It was only once the grand oak doors were shut and two brandies poured that their tongues could loosen enough to speak. They sat opposite each other, one pair of vibrant blue eyes meeting the other set of crimson ones. It was the woman who spoke first, her voice still holding a hint of that soft rolling accent of her youth. Her speech held no ribbons, it just held the element of total shock," Oh ... my...God"

  
  


He gave a brief nod, and once again drained his glass. His voice nearly shook, "They have taken my legacy and turned it into a rerun of the damn Hoody Doody show. 'Okey Dokey and Goody goody' What the hell were they thinking?"

  
  


"Well, my love, when did I become a lush? And a bitch lush at that? Didn't these people read our damn book?"

  
  


"Clarice they had me so pathetic I cut my own hand off for you!"

  
  


She gave a little blush and cast her eyes down. Her manicured nails reached out and traced over his palm lightly before coming to rest in a circle about his thumb. Her voice was soft and husky with almost a purring quality to it. "I thought it was rather romantic, Hannibal."

  
  


He gave a soft sigh and traced her cheek with his other hand. "And when did you take such bitchy lessons, Clarice. They had you try and kill me with a candlestick. A candlestick really! This was not some ancient board game!"

  
  


"Yes, will at least they were true to your accent. I sounded like I was British and had a cold. Or I was holding my nose perhaps. And they God damn shot me. With a bullet! And they had the nerve to dress me like a whore!"

  
  


"Clarice, I was pathetic! I stalked you like in some second rate TV movie! And no one got that joke I can assure you!"

  
  


A puzzled look was cast across her lovely face and he gave a soft sigh. Once more his voice took on the deeper tremor of the caged madman." You know what you remind me of with your good purse and your cheap shoes? A rube. A well scrubbed rube."

  
  


Still that look was on plaster on her face but hey she wasn't a stupid chick it had just been a dumb point in a bad movie. Once more that strangely patient sigh was given. "I gave you, or rather her gave her a pair of Gucci shoes. But that was just the writers trying to make themselves feel bigger about themselves."

  
  


Clarice gave a disgusted sigh and sank farther back into the soft leather sofa, the leather settling about her in a butter-soft caress. Her voice was soft as she spoke. "And what was up with all the sleazy people in the movie coming out all nice and likable. Damn Mason made kids cry so he could make drinks with their tears. And Krendlar, oh don't even get me started on Krendlar! He messed with my career for years, he almost sold my life to be a Congressman but all he seemed like in the movie was an overly friendly boss!"

  
  


A hard palm was slammed into the couch as she watched Hannibal pace back and forth across the floor. She gave a soft sigh as that horrible movie played itself over and over in his mind. Suddenly a sly smile was pulled across Hannibal's face. The one we all know to fear. (Well, all of the not cool people anyway!)

  
  


"Clarice I think I should get the number for Mr. Scott. I'd like to question him over dinner."

  
  


Clarice answered his smile with one of her one and took his hand carefully in her's the tension forgotten. The door was shut carefully behind them.

  
  


Two weeks later the following news story led: "Director Ridley Scott, who is achieving currant success with the movie "Hannibal" is missing tonight in what police are calling a "copycat crime." We have no news as of yet to what has happened to Mr. Scott but our thoughts are with his family in this hour crisis. All of us down her at Channel Five are hoping for the best."

  
  
  
  


"In an unrelated topic last night's fund-raiser for the Symphony was a total success. This report was in attendance and must say that Dr. Donner's pate' was the finest I have ever eaten. And his stew was amazing even though he refused to give away his secret choice cuts of meat. All he would say was that it was an old Scottish recipe he had picked up somewhere out west. But man it was good. Now back to you Dave"

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Well dudes that about sums up the evilness that was the movie Hannibal. Don't see it! It's bad! Anyway if you disagree with me or think I suck hey leave a comment. 

Your old pal,

~Kim, The Manipulative Little Monster

  
  


  
  


  
  



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